1. Use the timer function in your phone. It’s not a prerequisite for us to see you hold up your phone to a mirror in your bathroom. You probably think it’s a nice bathroom, or that I’m not judging you for your choice of shower curtain or that the mirror isn’t clean. But I am and I just don’t need to know that much about your life to be invited inside the room where you go number 1 and or 2.
I don’t care how good the light is.
2. Smile. It’s okay. I sure was smiling when I ate myself to this before-me person. And I’m not smiling when I eat broccoli to get to the after-me person. This isn’t a mug shot. You got a little out of shape, you didn’t rob a liquor store (even if the though had occurred to you because it would make a great story for your blog. What?!) You don’t have to add frown lines to your love handles. It perpetuates destructive body image thought. Nobody needs that. Love yourself as much as you can first. Then get in the shape you want and love yourself differently not more because you dropped a size.
3. Wear you most unflattering, close-fitting outfit. That way, if you look better in that you know you’ll be hot in everything else. Not that you aren’t already are, that is.
4. Time stamp the photo. I don’t know you. Maybe you’re posting a picture from the second month of college, after your freshmen 20 has become part of your collegiate look compete with flannel pajamas and the sneaking suspicion an English philosophy degree may not actually make you employable when you leave. Hold up a news paper or something. Leave no reasonable doubt for the jury. Because frankly kid, that posting a before and after pic will be. A trial by jury.
5. Do not post an inspirational quote from a famous author with your pic. Not from Pinterest. Not from Google Images. Not from that copy of Robert Frost, Collected Essays you forgot to return from the library last year. Don’t do it. DO post a good story about how you go there. Be honest. Raw. People will respond to that. You’re awesome. Be that.